It’s been a while since I wrote last and a lot has happened since then. Covid struck, Hong Kong had a strict zero-Covid policy and we were unable to move out of our small island. But through the pandemic, my husband opted for a career change and we wrapped up our life in Hong Kong and moved back to India, to Bangalore.

When we moved to India two years ago, my biggest worry was about how to get Charlie over. There were the complications of limited travel options because of COVID, getting the paperwork right in India and Hong Kong and the stress of Christmas and New Year holidays delaying the process. But most of all, I worried about how my little dog would be able to take the flight with the anxiety, discomfort and everything that it entails.

I needn’t have worried. Charlie, our little super-dog, took it all in his stride. Thanks to him, I got VIP treatment at the airports in Hong Kong and Delhi and breezed through immigration despite the COVID protocols. Charlie himself looked none the worse for wear after the flight.

For the one month that we stayed at my in-laws’ place, he seemed to enjoy having a huge house to himself rather than the small (though big by HK standards!) apartment we had in Hong Kong. He trotted up the stairs each time I went to bed and looked extremely at home in the new environment.

Once we moved into our place, he still looked like he was going strong. There were more frequent toilet accidents (truth be told, more than one a day) but other than that, he seemed to be healthy and I was celebrating that everything passed so smoothly with the transition. My new neighbours often asked me how old he was and then were shocked when they realised they were in the presence of an octogenarian. I was beginning to believe that Charlie would be around for quite a few more years.

I was worried about finding a good dog boarding place for Charlie, where he would safe and comfortable when we travelled. I had the perfect set up in Hong Kong with a day boarding down the road for Sundays that we were out for most of the day and the shelter from where I “fostered” him initially for longer stays. I wanted a place in Bangalore where he was loved just as much. And to my delight, I found a lovely place where Charlie made a lot of friends. In fact, one Shih Tzu in particular would howl every time I left with Charlie, making me feel I was wrenching away a soulmate.

It was on one such trip that I got a call that Charlie was not keeping well and I needed to pick him up. I was in the middle of the desert in Rajasthan, so my mum volunteered. Being the rockstar that she is, she stayed up many nights getting drips administered to Charlie, while I prayed fervently that Charlie would wait for me to come home. My mum who has seen many dogs pass away due to old age believed that he was showing all the signs. I got back to Bangalore two days later and felt I’d witnessed a miracle because Charlie had recovered and didn’t look to be in very bad condition… physically.

What I realised over the next few days was that his mind, and all his senses, had switched off completely. He walked about aimlessly, often getting stuck at a wall, without knowing how to move forward, backwards or anywhere. When I gave him his food, I sometimes found him standing in his bowl, looking confused, unable to feel the food or even hunger. After many extensive scans at the vet, I realised that his organs were still in good shape for a 16-year-old dog, he had lost all his senses. The only “sense” he had was for love. Despite not being able to see, hear or smell, he was always calm when I was in the house as if he knew that he was loved.

While I was visiting my parents one day, a lady I hadn’t seen before observed Charlie and told me, “Poor chap! This was exactly how my dog was before she passed. It’s doggie dementia. The last stage will be when he doesn’t even recognise you.”

What followed was a lot of intense Googling. And indeed, Charlie had all the symptoms except the excessive barking and being unable to recognise his owner. I tried looking for mind and brain supplements, giving him CBD oil to reduce the anxiety and being around him as much as possible. One night, he woke up very agitated and nothing I did was able to calm him. That was the first time I felt that he didn’t recognise me any more. While he calmed down after some time, I knew that it was the beginning of the end. I started speaking to him every night, letting him know he would always be loved and treasured but he was free to go whenever he wanted. I also started speaking to my kids about death, dementia and how I would never want Charlie to suffer because we were unable to let go.

Last Christmas, I had to travel again and the usual boarding house said they couldn’t keep Charlie because they were full. I panicked but found another place that boards senior and small dogs. Despite doing two trials there prior to the actual boarding, Charlie never looked settled during his 2-week stay. The videos they sent me showed him pacing endlessly and anxiously, despite the obvious love, care and attention he was getting.

Charlie came home without incident. The next few months also passed uneventfully until I had to travel again in April. I first contacted the boarding meant for senior and small dogs. To my surprise, they had closed down pretty soon after boarding Charlie. I then contacted the previous shelter and found that they were happy to have Charlie.

For the first few days of my holiday, I received many photos and videos of Charlie. He was doing well, as well as he was doing at home. Still vague and confused due to his growing dementia, but comfortable. Not pacing, not whining and happy with the company.

Then one night I received a call. There had been an accident. Charlie toppled over into a bucket of water and though it overturned immediately and he wouldn’t have swallowed much water, they rushed him to the vet but he died on the way. I believe it must have been an almost-instant death caused by a cardiac arrest. I was shocked and heartbroken. Over a video call, we watched Charlie being buried in a dog shelter close by in the early hours of the morning, being some hours ahead of the time in India.

I played the scenario over in my head more than 100 times. Should I have not travelled? Should I stayed back with Charlie? Did he feel fear in his last moments? Did he know he was loved? Should I be angry or appreciate that the boarding house staff didn’t lie to me? I couldn’t find any answers and to this day, the questions still swirl around in my head.

We all need to make peace with ourselves and our decisions and while I have no answers, I choose to believe that Charlie chose the place he had decided to leave us. I think he was ready to leave last Diwali, but my prayers and tears pulled him back. I think he realised that he needed to give us some time and distance as well, because being overseas meant that we couldn’t rush back immediately. I feel he found a happy place in the boarding. And he also did us one last favour when he left.

When I got back, I wanted to visit Charlie’s grave. I went to the shelter and sat there for a while and said my goodbyes. Looking around at all the dogs desperate to be adopted, some badly hurt and harmed by humans, but still willing to trust, I knew that these animals bring us so much more love and loyalty than we often deserve. I knew that my next dog would have to be a rescue dog again, because he or she could teach us something about healing and moving on. Three months later, Odin joined our family… right from that same shelter. I believe that Charlie led us to Odin, his way of checking on us and wishing us continuing love and happiness.